My name is Saba :) thank you so much for visiting. This is the home for my creative pursuits and passions: my style + my soul. My style blog is the outlet for my collection of outfits and looks, and my soul blog is the passage to my heart and soul. My hope is that you leave here feeling inspired and supported.
I’ve always heard the term 'ego death' and thought, oh haven’t I gone through that? While I’ve changed careers, moved to new states and new cities, and undergone many outward transformations, my ego, or the lenses through which I’ve experienced my life, has remained the same for a long time... until this year.
I don’t know what normally happens when people experience an ego death, but this year when my anxiety and depression symptoms were running rampant, it was like my lenses fell off my face, shattered on the ground, and the tiny particles were blown away to an abyss. With no new lenses to replace them with, I couldn’t see myself or have any inkling on how to move forward.
Who am I? I am surely not this corporate baddie I’d convinced myself that I was. My perception of who I was was so heavily influenced by my job, the path I had followed, and the role I’d been playing that the lines completely blurred to the point where I completely lost myself. Everything I was doing was out of fear, out of obligation to the rules and social norms placed by society, as well as...more
It’s a beautiful Sunday and I’m feeling extremely grateful. I know my last blog was pretty intense and heavy, but the past few months have been an incredibly dark time for me. Fortunately, recently things have dramatically shifted in a positive direction. The new medication that I’ve switched to has started working, and I finally feel the anxiety and depression lifting. The interesting thing is that while the biological changes in my body are helping me feel more like my normal self, the negative thinking patterns haven’t automatically left me. I still have days where I can spiral if I succumb to the ruminating thoughts or listen to my harsh inner critic.
It makes me wonder if people with perfectionism are more susceptible to mental illnesses like anxiety and depression. I hate my inner critic… it often tells me that I’m not good enough which is completely paralyzing. I want to be creative, to be myself, to allow my spirit to express itself in any way it wants to; but, this inner critic often swoops in to stop me dead in my tracks. I know that the inner critic is what...more
Trigger Warning: Anxiety, Depression, Suicide, Eating Issues, Mental Health
I don’t know who I am anymore. I was on the birth control pill for 12 years and ever since I got off the pill, I haven’t felt the same. I started experiencing intense mood swings, depression, and anxiety. In February, the anxiety escalated to a concerning level; I was experiencing panic attacks every week. These panic attacks interfered with my ability to function in daily life – I wasn’t sleeping well, I was hardly eating, constantly in fight-or-flight mode, and working became extremely difficult and draining because any ounce of stress easily triggered a panic attack.
I never dealt with excessive anxiety until my early twenties. In 2015, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and mild PTSD. I was in therapy, but I struggled with anxiety symptoms for 2 years, after which I became extremely depressed from having suffered for so long, and finally resorted to trying antidepressants. They helped tremendously for the anxiety and depression. I was on them for 6 months,...more