“Allow failure to lead you to your revival.”
I don’t know how everyone else is feeling, but this month has been wild for me. I started out 2020 feeling insanely optimistic and hopeful. Then, reality sunk in and I fell into a familiar rabbit hole, the one where everything is bleak and depressing. I had to focus all of my energy on picking myself up and climbing out of the hole. Now that I’m out, I’m basically scratching my head and asking myself, what’s next?
Historically, I have had a difficult time conforming to society’s ideological way of life. In the past, when I’ve deliberately chosen to work in highly structured jobs, I’ve felt imprisoned. Then, in an effort to rectify, I will do the most freeing thing that I can think of which is chase after my passion. However, without having a clear path to follow, my sense of direction becomes messy and then I reach a moment where I realize things aren’t working.
Lately, I’ve been self-reflecting on this matter. I look back at the last three years of my life and wonder, is this a pattern? Do I keep repeating history? Get a job, hate the job, quit the job, try to have a writing career, fail at that, get a job and do it all over again. It was a little alarming when I noticed the similarities between today and 2017. So, I asked myself, why do I keep failing at this? Why doesn’t it work?
I’ll be honest. I hated that I felt like I failed again. I felt stupid for even trying a second time. But, rather than continuing to self-punish, I forced myself to look at my situation in a positive way. I asked myself, what happened the last time I failed? What events did the “failure” really cause to happen in my life?
I’ll tell you. The first time I “failed” at a writing career, I had to move into my parent’s house. The move relocated me to a new city where I had a fresh start. I met my boyfriend and became a dog mom (I LOVE DOGS), I made new friends, and I worked at jobs that not only added to my skills and experience, but taught me so many life lessons. There isn’t a single part of me that regrets any of it. My failure at writing didn’t ruin my life; it ignited my REVIVAL.
The word revival literally means to improve the strength or condition of something. If things always went our way, while it would be a lot easier, we wouldn’t be as smart, resilient, or strong. Failure doesn’t mean the end. If anything, in my experience it leads to a rebirth. Yes, the rebirth is quite painful, especially when you’re smack dab in the middle of the transition. When I first moved to my parent’s house at the end of 2017, I was scared. I was in a new city, had no friends, and I had to find a new job. But, everything that was meant for me fell into place. I was so grateful for the “failure” because it was the catalyst for the creation of new opportunities in my life.
So, rather than resisting my current situation, I'm embracing it with open arms. I'm allowing my failure to lead me to my next revival.