Recently, a very old wound was dredged up from the depths of my subconscious. I had been feeling extremely insecure and I notice that my insecurities seem to ramp up every time I come back to blogging. What I realized was that my insecurities are tied to a strong need for external validation. When I receive external validation, I feel good. When I don’t, I feel bad. I’ve come a long way and today, I can actually say I don’t care about what everyone thinks of me. But, what I realized is that I still really care about what my friends think of me.
I was trying to figure out why this was and then I remembered an experience I had in high school. I moved to a new city and a new state halfway through my sophomore year. It was really hard, being uprooted from where you grew up, your childhood friends, your home, and having to start all over again at the age of 15.
When I first moved to the new school, I actually did feel welcomed. A group of friends approached me pretty immediately and befriended me, they invited me to hang out and go to social events. I felt so relieved...more
My blog is back! It’s revamped, rebranded and I’m bursting with so much excitement and joy. It wasn’t an easy, straight path that led here, however. There was a bit of healing journey that I had to take.
I was having mild sore throats on and off throughout this whole year. Naturally, earlier in the year when the pandemic first happened, I experienced a lot of paranoia that it was COVID. But, these sore throats were so different than any I’ve ever had before. They were extremely mild for one, and after a cup of coffee or tea in the morning, the sore throat would disappear. They were accompanied by no other symptoms either which was the other strange component.
I knew that the reason for my sore throats was an energetic imbalance. In my experience, most physical ailments have some sort of emotional reason underlying them. Over time, these emotional stresses and imbalances escalate and eventually manifest in our body as physical symptoms. It’s one of the ways our soul tries to get us to wake up.
Recently, I connected the dots and realized that my throat chakra...more
It’s been quite a while since I last blogged and so much has happened. I felt compelled to write about the psycho-spiritual impact of the coronavirus to help process my own fears and emotions, but maybe it can help somebody else as well.
Most people are emotionally absorbent—meaning that the feelings and emotions of those around us can impact and influence our own personal feelings and emotions. Our world is significantly affected by COVID-19 and there is a collective fear in the air that many of us are feeling on a personal level. Of course, it doesn’t help calm our nerves when it's the only thing we see from the media, it's the main topic of conversation, and when many of our routines and lives have been disrupted by it. I think that it would be very unusual for someone to not feel emotionally affected.
Identifying it at its simplicity, this feeling that we are all sensing is collective fear. Since so many of us are empaths, or emotionally absorbent, we pick up on the collective fear and then experience the emotion personally. What I’ve been noticing is that on the...more
For the longest time, I’ve felt inclined to write because of this notion that I just KNOW. I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons over the past decade. Throughout my life experiences, I’ve suffered, I’ve thrived, I’ve grown—as we all do. But, simply having self-awareness doesn’t equate to knowing everything or even knowing what is for the best. I was so sure that I needed to write a book because it seemed like the logical way to monetize my passion. They always say, do what you love for a career and you’ll never hate your job. Yet, I was so fixated on the end result, “write a book to make money”, that I didn’t realize I was paddling my boat upstream.
Life feels so much easier when there’s not resistance. When you just flow with life, instead of stubbornly pushing against it. I’ve realized that being so goal-oriented and focused on results has made the process dreadful.
Something quite amusing that I’ve observed is my dog behaves in the complete opposite way. He loves destroying his squeaky toys, and besides food, treats, and walks, nothing gets him as excited...more
“Allow failure to lead you to your revival.”
I don’t know how everyone else is feeling, but this month has been wild for me. I started out 2020 feeling insanely optimistic and hopeful. Then, reality sunk in and I fell into a familiar rabbit hole, the one where everything is bleak and depressing. I had to focus all of my energy on picking myself up and climbing out of the hole. Now that I’m out, I’m basically scratching my head and asking myself, what’s next?
Historically, I have had a difficult time conforming to society’s ideological way of life. In the past, when I’ve deliberately chosen to work in highly structured jobs, I’ve felt imprisoned. Then, in an effort to rectify, I will do the most freeing thing that I can think of which is chase after my passion. However, without having a clear path to follow, my sense of direction becomes messy and then I reach a moment where I realize things aren’t working.
Lately, I’ve been self-reflecting on this matter. I look back at the last three years of my life and wonder, is this a pattern? Do...more
It's been awhile. I took a break from blogging, social media, and even working because I had my sights fixated on a specific goal: I wanted to write a book. I wanted to churn out a published book in three months because I was gifted a book that said that it was possible. However, on some level I was aware that it would be a difficult task, so I put myself in a bubble. I deactivated my Facebook and Instagram pages, I took a break from my blog, and I shifted my focus onto my book.
Some people knew that this was what I was doing, most didn’t. I wanted to protect myself in this bubble because I wanted to avoid judgement. I didn't want anything to stop me from achieving my goal. But, I hadn’t ever written a book before. I was gifted a book by a random person that lightly touches on the process, but it was still a lot harder than I expected. What I didn’t know before starting this journey was that publishing a book via a traditional publisher is a lengthy process that isn’t succeeded by most people without a celebrity status or a loyal following.
You might argue that it’s...more
"Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed." —Friedrich Nietzsche
Apologizing is one of the most humbling gestures for a human being. When we tell someone that we’re sorry, we are admitting fault, regretting an action or comment made, and acknowledging their feelings all at the same time. But, as I’m sure you have noticed, there are some people out there that either have a hard time apologizing, or even a complete inability to apologize. And, this really got me thinking about how we should handle those instances. Do we let it go? Do we hold a grudge? Why can’t some people just say that they’re sorry??
People that can’t say that they’re sorry refuse to do so because they don’t want to take accountability. When we apologize for something, we are owning up to a mistake we made. Therefore, a simple apology can act as a major threat to someone’s ego. The person that refuses to apologize doesn’t want their image of themselves or their image to others to be damaged by admitting fault. But, the...more
"The wound is the place where the light enters you." — Rumi
These last few weeks have been incredibly challenging for me. My mental balance has been compromised and I’ve been feeling emotionally overwhelmed. In my recent blogs, I’ve talked about how my depression and anxiety stems from my insecurities and feeling like I’m not good enough. Today, during my meditation I started to feel those same feelings seep into my awareness. And, during my meditation I realized that my self-deprecating thoughts and feelings are draining me. They're holding me back from moving forward, like they’re these 100-pound weights cuffed around my ankles. I think thoughts like, “how am I supposed to write a book or help anybody when I can’t even help myself?” But, today I decided to challenge those thoughts.
My parents love to tell me this story about me when I was little, around three or four years old. This story crossed my mind today during my meditation, and it was exactly what I needed to remember. When I was young, I was feisty and full of energy; I was...more
"Be grateful for triggers; they point where you are not free."— Unknown
Something that I’ve talked a bit about in my blogs are my insecurities and feeling like I’m not good enough. Feeling not good enough is the root of a lot of my mental health struggles. But, I’m not drowning in them like I used to. I lose my way, I lose my footing and fall back. But, I’ve also grown a lot in the past few years and have gotten to a place where I can now recognize when I’m slipping and can address the issue in real time.
What I’m learning now more than ever is that we have triggers. A gun without a trigger is useless; but, a gun with a trigger is dangerous. The trigger is what propels the bullet forward and a trigger is also what ignites our emotional pain. So, let's say we had a rampant fire that we worked really hard to put out, but there were still a few small flames flickering, unbeknownst to us. What a trigger does is come in and add fuel to erupt those few flames into a full-blown raging fire again. If we are completely unaware during this process,...more
These last couple of weeks I haven’t posted to my blog because I was going through a hard time emotionally. And then, I was afraid to share about it because I worried about how people were going to perceive me or if they would judge me. The topic that has always been the closest to my heart and the most important reason why I want to write a book to help people is mental health. Maintaining a mental and emotional balance is something that I have struggled with on and off throughout my life. I know some people are hit with it even harder. But, I think each and every one of us has experienced a time when we’re feeling low, feeling anxious, or just feeling unbalanced. And when we’re right in the middle of it trying to move through it, life becomes insanely hard to deal with.more