Here I am, writing my first soul blog in months. It never ceases to amaze me how going through emotional pain always leads me back to writing. The universe works in mysterious ways and I like to think that it puts me in certain situations on purpose to get me writing again. It almost makes the suffering I'm going through feel worthwhile.
Ever since COVID, I think that a lot of people have been going through the universal challenging experience of: life isn't going how I expected it to. And then, having to deal with the repercussions of that.. the disappointment, the frustration and the suffering that follows when life doesn't go as planned. For me personally, 2020 wasn't actually all that bad. Why? How can that be possible?
Well, after the initial shock and difficulty of going through the major changes that the pandemic brought about, it was as if something switched off in my brain, an automatic download of knowing- hey, life isn't going to go as expected right now, you need to roll with it and make the best of it. I didn't have the...more
I felt compelled to write on this topic because the other day I realized that for the first time since I graduated college six years ago, I finally feel at peace with where I am in my career. Throughout most of my twenties, I felt quite the opposite from this... I felt lost.
It felt like I was constantly searching for something that couldn’t possibly exist. Job after job, company after company, yet each time I’d always find that the job was so WRONG for me. All of these negative experiences lead me to believing this “story”, which I thought was very real and believed with every fiber of my being. Nonetheless, it was a story that my mind had written as our minds like to do.
The story was that I couldn’t ever find a job that wasn’t soul crushing or anxiety provoking, that would give me balance (boundaries separating work from down-time), AND decent pay. You may have a similar story, re-playing in your head that your mind has created based on some negative life experiences. Stories like, “You can’t quit your job; you won’t be able to survive if you leave.” Or “If you...more
Ever since my dog Ranger died, I’ve been getting these annoying styes on my eye. I never used to have a problem with these before. Just like anyone else, every now and then (maybe once a year, if that) I would get one. But, lately I’ve been having styes pop up every other week… and it’s always my right eye, never my left. This seemed strange to me. Based on past experiences that I’ve had, I’ve learned that recurring health issues stem from emotional causes. So, when these styes kept coming back and back again, I irritably resorted to looking at Louise Hay’s list of emotional causes for illness.
Next to “Sty”, it read: “Looking at life through angry eyes.” At first, I dismissed this information. I’m not angry, I thought, not anymore. In those first couple weeks after I first lost Ranger, sure I was. I was so angry that I would vent about the entire world around me and go on blood boiling rants. But, now?
Then, I reflected back on my patience...more
Life has its ups and downs, there’s no way of getting around that. I believe that life’s difficulties and setbacks happen to strengthen us, to help us grow, and to teach us lessons. We always have a choice in how we navigate through tough times. We can either strap in for the ride and realize that while we don’t have control over the terrain being bumpy, that we do have control on how we steer through the bumps on our journey; or we can choose to engage in resistance, complaining about the bumps, and continuing to look back through the rearview mirror, making us re-live each bump over and over again, instead of looking forward.
In 2015-2016, I went through long-term health problems. I was a completely different person back then and I would easily slip into a victim mentality. I constantly complained to anyone and everyone, I held resentment over why this was happening to ME, and I was always focused on all the negatives about my health. All of which kept me stuck in a cycle where I didn’t expect to get better or to heal, and life would only prove me right time and time...more
Recently, I asked my parents the question: what was I like when I was little, before I started going to school? I asked this question because when we are very young children, we are the most authentic, unaltered version of ourselves. This is because it is before we are truly integrated into society, before any conditioning or programming happens, and before life experiences begin to change or alter our personalities.
My dad said I was like “a ball of fire”. An unstoppable force… feisty, powerful, and extremely confident. When I see home videos of myself at 2 and 3 years old, I see that too. And, it caused me to wonder... what happened to that?
You see, I know that part of me is still within me. Some people still see that true essence of me, like when I’m with my family or my boyfriend… basically when I’m in situations where I feel that it’s “safe” to be ME. But, over the years, I’ve been in many situations (school, jobs, social settings) where I haven’t felt safe being me. Where I’ve felt unwelcomed when I was just being me. Where I’ve actually seen other people get...more
Recently, a very old wound was dredged up from the depths of my subconscious. I had been feeling extremely insecure and I notice that my insecurities seem to ramp up every time I come back to blogging. What I realized was that my insecurities are tied to a strong need for external validation. When I receive external validation, I feel good. When I don’t, I feel bad. I’ve come a long way and today, I can actually say I don’t care about what everyone thinks of me. But, what I realized is that I still really care about what my friends think of me.
I was trying to figure out why this was and then I remembered an experience I had in high school. I moved to a new city and a new state halfway through my sophomore year. It was really hard, being uprooted from where you grew up, your childhood friends, your home, and having to start all over again at the age of 15.
When I first moved to the new school, I actually did feel welcomed. A group of friends approached me pretty immediately and befriended me, they invited me to hang out and go to social events. I felt so relieved...more
My blog is back! It’s revamped, rebranded and I’m bursting with so much excitement and joy. It wasn’t an easy, straight path that led here, however. There was a bit of healing journey that I had to take.
I was having mild sore throats on and off throughout this whole year. Naturally, earlier in the year when the pandemic first happened, I experienced a lot of paranoia that it was COVID. But, these sore throats were so different than any I’ve ever had before. They were extremely mild for one, and after a cup of coffee or tea in the morning, the sore throat would disappear. They were accompanied by no other symptoms either which was the other strange component.
I knew that the reason for my sore throats was an energetic imbalance. In my experience, most physical ailments have some sort of emotional reason underlying them. Over time, these emotional stresses and imbalances escalate and eventually manifest in our body as physical symptoms. It’s one of the ways our soul tries to get us to wake up.
Recently, I connected the dots and realized that my throat chakra...more
It’s been quite a while since I last blogged and so much has happened. I felt compelled to write about the psycho-spiritual impact of the coronavirus to help process my own fears and emotions, but maybe it can help somebody else as well.
Most people are emotionally absorbent—meaning that the feelings and emotions of those around us can impact and influence our own personal feelings and emotions. Our world is significantly affected by COVID-19 and there is a collective fear in the air that many of us are feeling on a personal level. Of course, it doesn’t help calm our nerves when it's the only thing we see from the media, it's the main topic of conversation, and when many of our routines and lives have been disrupted by it. I think that it would be very unusual for someone to not feel emotionally affected.
Identifying it at its simplicity, this feeling that we are all sensing is collective fear. Since so many of us are empaths, or emotionally absorbent, we pick up on the collective fear and then experience the emotion personally. What I’ve been noticing is that on the...more
For the longest time, I’ve felt inclined to write because of this notion that I just KNOW. I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons over the past decade. Throughout my life experiences, I’ve suffered, I’ve thrived, I’ve grown—as we all do. But, simply having self-awareness doesn’t equate to knowing everything or even knowing what is for the best. I was so sure that I needed to write a book because it seemed like the logical way to monetize my passion. They always say, do what you love for a career and you’ll never hate your job. Yet, I was so fixated on the end result, “write a book to make money”, that I didn’t realize I was paddling my boat upstream.
Life feels so much easier when there’s not resistance. When you just flow with life, instead of stubbornly pushing against it. I’ve realized that being so goal-oriented and focused on results has made the process dreadful.
Something quite amusing that I’ve observed is my dog behaves in the complete opposite way. He loves destroying his squeaky toys, and besides food, treats, and walks, nothing gets him as excited...more
“Allow failure to lead you to your revival.”
I don’t know how everyone else is feeling, but this month has been wild for me. I started out 2020 feeling insanely optimistic and hopeful. Then, reality sunk in and I fell into a familiar rabbit hole, the one where everything is bleak and depressing. I had to focus all of my energy on picking myself up and climbing out of the hole. Now that I’m out, I’m basically scratching my head and asking myself, what’s next?
Historically, I have had a difficult time conforming to society’s ideological way of life. In the past, when I’ve deliberately chosen to work in highly structured jobs, I’ve felt imprisoned. Then, in an effort to rectify, I will do the most freeing thing that I can think of which is chase after my passion. However, without having a clear path to follow, my sense of direction becomes messy and then I reach a moment where I realize things aren’t working.
Lately, I’ve been self-reflecting on this matter. I look back at the last three years of my life and wonder, is this a pattern? Do...more