A New Chapter

Hello, hello everybody! Welcome to my new website SABA. Being that this is the very first blog, I thought that it would be appropriate to give a background on myself and my vision for this website.

Once upon a time, I was 23 years old and feeling very stuck in my life. I felt extremely unfulfilled at my job, overwhelmed by a huge sense of existential anxiety. A huge part of that was that I felt like I wasn’t doing anything to help make a difference in the world. The other contributing factor was that I wasn’t able to tap into my creativity. Hence, I was feeling a lot of angst and anxiety, even suffering from panic attacks. So, after a bit of soul searching, one day the random thought popped into my head to start a blog. I followed that thought through and my old website was born. My old website kind of had a little bit of everything, it was like a lifestyle blog. I wrote about fashion, beauty, recipes, and my perspectives on various topics like mental health, dating, and life in your twenties.

My old blog was a huge blessing because it revealed to me my true passions: writing and helping people. I wanted to continue pursuing what made me happy, so I quit my corporate job to try out a career in freelance writing. It wasn’t a huge success and it forced me to relocate and move into my parent’s house for a while. But, this apparent failure was another blessing in disguise. By relocating to the Austin area, I was able to get an editorial internship at a local magazine and really jumpstart a new career in the creative field.

Fast forward to this year, where I’m much happier and have a marketing job at a local hair salon. So, what was missing? Why am I here?

Well, I kind of had a moment of déjà vu a few months back. To preface, the past two years I’ve been much more balanced and relatively anxiety-free. But, seemingly out of nowhere, I suffered a little set back. The heart palpitations and suffocating feelings were back, and existential anxiety emerged again. But, why?

Well, my personal theory is that my subconscious was unsettled because I haven’t been actively writing and doing what makes my soul happy—which is trying to help others in the world. So, my subconscious needed to wake me up, and proceeded to jolt my physical and mental body with symptoms of anxiety. I think that there’s an innate part of me that just loves helping people. Even if it’s something little like answering the phone when my long distance friends call in need of a listening ear and my take on a situation. When they tell me how much better they feel after our conversation, my heart expands tenfold. So, if that is such a core part of who I am and when I’m not doing it I get symptoms of anxiety, why wasn’t I writing?

Well, to be 100% transparent, it’s because I was held back by an enormous amount of fear. I had taken a big leap to pursue what I felt was my purpose in life and it didn’t exactly pan out the way that I envisioned. And, I took that as an indication that I was wrong, that I’m not meant to write or help people through my writing. If I was, why wasn’t I successful in my endeavors? I was scared to do it again. I was scared to keep trying because I was afraid of failing.

But, that fear is gone because I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about the outcome, whether I will be successful or not. I just need to do it because it ignites my soul. I am SO happy sitting here right now writing this. I don’t need a hundred people, a thousand people, or a million people to read this or follow my blog. I don’t even need one. It’s just the action of doing it, of TRYING, of making an effort. THAT is what is important.

And so to conclude this little story, because of the above, this website is taking a bit of a different direction than my previous blog. I’m sticking to what I care most about and what is authentic to me. This means I’m not going to write on what’s fashionable or contribute to consumerism by pushing products to buy. I want to write on the unspoken things, the things that many of us goes through when we’re navigating through life. These can be things like problems with dating, topics about self-worth, mental health, career crises, and so much more.

I’ve even created a form on this website called “Ask Saba”, where anyone can anonymously send me a question or a topic that they’d like for me to write about or share my perspective on. It’s in essence, an advice column. I see this website as being a place for people going through similar issues or situations to connect and not feel alone in whatever they are going through. Because it seems that feeling alone is the worst part about any challenge or hardship that we go through. And, whatever you are going through, if you’re feeling alone in it, please know that you aren’t. If nothing else, you have one person in the world who you can reach out to.

So, cheers! Cheers to a new website, a new light, and a new chapter. Thank you for joining me on this journey.