These last two months have been incredibly transformative and eye opening. Starting around December, I went through another major spiritual awakening. Things that had been buried in my subconscious began emerging to the forefront – through dreams, meditations, and even journaling.
I realized that I was still carrying some pain and shame from past traumatic experiences. I also realized that I’d really lost touch with my true essence – the person I was when I came into this world is very different than the person I’ve become. Experiences and the people around us play a part in shaping us and who we become; it’s a consequence of living this thing we call life. Sometimes, we stray so far from our original child essence that we can’t get it back—because we aren’t even aware that we’ve lost it. The conditioning and programming of “how we’re supposed live our life” runs so deep and is so engrained in our mentality that we are basically numb. Going through the motions of life and living within the constraints of society traps us in this cycle of being someone we’re not. We feel unfulfilled and unhappy, but we’re not sure why.
I think it’s good to ask questions. I think it’s wise to investigate a lack of fulfillment or feelings of dissatisfaction. Personally, I realized that my inner child had been muffled and completely tucked away. My inner child is a dreamer that sees no barriers in life. My inner child is extremely optimistic, she only sees the good in humanity.
Our society doesn’t welcome this line of thinking or this way of being with open arms. We’re told at a young age that we live in a harsh world and we can’t have whatever we want. We're told that’s not how life goes and we just have to deal with it. Top that off with some trauma and experiencing cruelty firsthand, and my inner child was completely shattered.
I am currently in the process of figuring out how to coax that inner child to come back. Because while I understand that the world can be cruel and that practicality and logic are intrinsic to survival, I also know that being a dreamer and seeing the magic, beauty, and life's infinite possibilities is incredibly necessary. Without the latter, life feels gray, bleak, meaningless. I’m ready to see life in color again.